Alone

I posted this in my other blog (lauraschaefer.theworldrace.org) tonight, thought I would share here too.

On the way home tonight from Bible study I heard this song by Sanctus Real that I've heard a million times. Every time I hear it I can't help but think how it applies to my life.  I was on my way home tonight, listening to these words and all I could think about was how I feel so alone. Everyone was getting into their cars together, going home together, and there I was alone. Granted, I now live with my parents and not going home to an empty house, but still, an all too familiar feeling.

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

Someone sitting around a campfire told a story once about how he thinks God feels lonely too. He was saying that at Christmas time they were having a party with some friends and while everyone was having a grand time, no one was mentioning Christ. He went to have some quiet time in a solitary room and God told him that He would be there if invited. Now, I'm not sure that God feels lonely, but I do know that I don't invite Him to be part of my life as often as I should; not just with me when I pray, but with me on my way to work, at work, when I'm out with friends, whatever it may be. All too often I find myself praying that He would take my lonliness away; send me someone who makes "me" an "us", but really I'm not alone, He is with me always.

"Be strong and courageous
. Do not be terrified for the
Lord your God goes with you;
He will never leave you, nor foraske you"

Isn't it amazing that we (I) can be completely surrounded by the best of friends and family, whom I love and love me dearly, yet feel so alone? Back to the lyrics, God is definitely my strong hands; He has given me the strength to move back in with my parents, away from solitude and independance (not that my parents are controlling by any means). God is opening doors to fulfill dreams I didn't know I had. If you told me even five months ago that I'd be doing something like The World Race I probably would have laughed. I never thought I would be selling my things to do a trip around the world preaching the Gospel! Now, I'm so excited I wish it were July! I can't wait!
I've been reading Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot (its been put on hold since the move, I need to get that back out!). God is definitely the love of my life! If he isn't then no one else ever could be. I'm learning that things may not be the way I want them to be (a concept I know all too well, but don't understand when it comes to relationships) but God knows why they are the way they are, why and when they will change, and how it will effect my life in the future.

"I know the plans I have for you,
declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future"

Another song I'm reminded of (maybe not so Christian) is Carrie Underwood's Temporary Home. It says

"This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home"

How poignantly true is that! I'm not afraid because I know the Home I'm going to has so much more for me than this world!
So, while I still feel loneliness and solitude, its a growing process. Its me finding out who I am in Christ. It is me learning how to TRUST Him; to know that my future is in His hands and nothing can harm. It is me learning to lean on His wisdom and know that His LOVE is so much more than enough.